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For years I’ve wanted to make, and share, a daily practice of writing, but I was too anxious to start. The act of writing really wasn’t the problem; I was afraid of not being good enough, profound enough, or not being the best. So I just didn’t write. While I’m certainly not shy or quiet, there have been many occasions in life where I’ve missed out because of this fear.

A funny thing happens when you commit to something and stick with it. Your life starts changing, fast. Seemingly impossible things completely unrelated to your original goal start becoming possible. When I started writing here regularly again, I had to consciously put aside my anxiety about being the best, and remind myself why I was here: to cultivate a daily practice of writing and photography, to support myself during the challenge, and to be part of a community who shares my values and inspires me daily. I still have to remind myself, I think we all do sometimes – you are worth it, don’t let fear hold you back.

My day started out uncharacteristically. I was supposed to have a meeting mid-morning over coffee, but it was re-scheduled, so I worked most of the morning before I realized that I had neither eaten anything nor had my caffeine. Around noon, I grabbed this Spencer apple and headed out the door to pick up some George Howell coffee at Formaggio.

It was brisk, but sunny, so I took the opportunity to take a half hour walk around Cambridge before heading back home. I had planned on running in the evening, but was feeling a little bit under the weather, so the walk seemed like a good compromise.

In the late afternoon, I put together a salmon dish that I was working on for a secret project. Not being able to keep a secret, I went ahead and shared a photo of it on Instagram, so there’s no hiding it here. (I’ll post the recipe next week.)

Lately, I’ve been working on practicing better self-care. As a coach, I was trained on the value of self-care for optimal health and wellness, but practicing what I preach in this area has always been difficult. When I was living in San Francisco, practicing mindfulness/meditation based stress reduction, getting regular massages and chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, and practicing regular yoga were all part of my routine and provided tangible benefits, but in the past year I’ve regressed.

So I took my own advice, and went for a manicure and shoulder/neck massage at MiniLuxe. The color is OPI, I think either Sweet Heart or Hopelessly in Love, but honestly I didn’t check. For hands that have suffered mercilessly in the kitchen and the gym, I thought they turned out remarkably nice.

For dinner, I cooked flounder filets in olive oil, seasoned with Turkish fish seasoning. For light flaky fish like flounder, I usually cook them on one side for a few minutes, and baste the top with hot olive oil, which cooks it through without needing to flip it.

I baked a sheet tray of parnsip fries with rosemary, and served myself up this not quite as indulgent version of fish and chips.

For dessert, I baked a few pumpkin walnut cakes from this recipe. They didn’t quite turn out as successfully as I’d like, but when I tweak the recipe to perfection, I’ll post it.

Hey Hey, 10k.

Lately this middle of the night thinking has been getting me into trouble. Last week, before running my very first 5k, my aunt suggested that I should run the Tufts 10k – she had run it a few years back, and loved the camaraderie (all women!) and the very flat course.

10k? 6.2 miles? Me? Ludicrous. Insane. 

And then I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday and thought to myself… Can I do it? I bet I can do it. But… can I really do it? This went on for about two hours, until I had sufficiently sleep deprived myself by the morning to become irrational enough to attempt this feat.

I set myself a goal. I’d run it slowly and comfortably, with a target of 75 minutes, about a 12 minute mile pace, including regular walk breaks. If I finished in that amount of time, and didn’t feel like death at the end, I’d sign up immediately for the race. My idea was, if I can do it well, I can shave 8-10 or more minutes off my time on race day, based solely on the energy of the crowd, and I’d have a time I was happy with.

My second goal was to see if I could run without music or a podcast. I’d never done this before, and was half-convinced that I’d not be able to make it listening to the sound of my own footsteps.

So I set about running. The race course is beautiful – you start at the common, run down Beacon towards the Mass. Ave. bridge, head over the river, run down Mem. Drive one way, and then the other, come back over the bridge and then down Comm. Ave. back to the park. I altered the course slightly to avoid crossing too many major streets, but this is what it looks like on the map.

I ran, and ran, and ran. Slowly. 

The first mile I could feel the banana and nut butter from breakfast. I breathed through the stitch, and slowed down some more.

My splits were 11:42, 12:20, 13:01, 13:56, 13:12, and 12:59, although each of these included a few minute long walk breaks, and a few stops at streetlights to avoid getting run over by a car. I made it to mile 5 without music, at which point I put on a podcast because I was a little bit bored with the “Can I do it?… I guess I can do it? … I’m doing it!” loop in my head. At the end I finished not in my goal of 75 minutes, but in 80.

So that was it I thought, I’ll just wait until I get faster. Maybe the end of the fall. 

And then I thought about it.

I just ran 6.2 miles. That’s about 3.1 miles more than I was doing before.

My body isn’t distraught. My legs feel…fine.

Why the hell wouldn’t I run in this race? Because I don’t think I’ll run it fast enough?

Bad excuse, Sam.

This is how people miss out in life, assuring themselves that they’ll do it at some point in the future. Why not do it now, when I already know that I can do it?

So… the moral of the story is, I’m now registered to run my first official 10k race. In 9 days. It was nice knowing you.

After tackling my adventure, I grabbed myself an iced tea at Starbucks (right by the Make Way For Ducklings!) before heading back home. This tea might be the worst vice I have going on right now.

Lunch was a salad of my favorite Trader Joe’s product: sardines in olive oil! I made a huge plate of spinach, sardines, bell pepper, carrots, avocado and homemade mayo, with a good squeeze of lemon.

For dinner, a friend mentioned that I had eaten beef the past three meals in a row. I wouldn’t notice these things if not for the blog (I had to go back and check), so I went to the store and picked up some Dover Sole. I love fish but forget how easy it is to make. I cooked this simply in some olive oil, with a sprinkle of salt and pepper, and some Turkish fish seasoning from Formaggio Kitchen, which as far as I know contains sumac, rosemary, peppercorns, and some other mystery spices. It goes great on pretty much everything.

Because it was late, sides came from the Whole Foods salad bar – mashed potatoes for Devon, and butternut squash and Italian zucchini for me. Here’s my dinner:

Because I was still hungry, I inhaled a spoonful of coconut butter as my “dessert”. Virtuous, I know. After dinner we watched the final episode of Top Chef Masters, where my very favorite contestant won the show. Well, well deserved! I was thrilled!

Have you done something ludicrous lately?

A Bright Crab Salad

This morning I woke up groggily, not understanding why the whole house smelled like chicken. And then I went to make my coffee, and remembered that the chicken stock was still in the slow-cooker bubbling away. Jewish penicillin! Except, I don’t have a cold, and I want to keep it that way.

I set to work making my coffee, and then immediately after I finished, I realized that it was trash day, and I had an entire room full of cardboard that I had made a resolution to get rid of – the first official step in “making my house more of a home”. And get rid of it I did. A metric ton of cardboard was broken down with a knife and my brute strength, and stuffed in three large recycle bins. By the time I finished, the coffee was forgotten, as was breakfast, but I was rewarded with this beautiful clean room. Wonderful!

Well, I skipped breakfast. It’s something I have to work on. It was a “rest day”, which means that I wasn’t fueling for a workout, but it also means that I’m lazy when it comes to taking care of myself. It’s so much easier to do good when you are focused on good choices.

Lunch, however was a different story. My mom gave me the first of her eight ball zucchinis from the garden. It’s a hybrid zucchini squash – tastes like a zucchini with the firmer texture of a squash.

I doused it with olive oil, salt and pepper, and roasted it in a 450 degree oven for 45 minutes.

And then I put together a simple salad – zucchini, some of the roasted chicken in the fridge, parsley, mint, lemon juice and olive oil. I took it outside to eat on the porch.

In the late afternoon, I polished off an apple from Applecrest, and headed out for a walk.

Because it was a “rest day”, I decided to listen to a podcast and take a short walk around Fresh Pond. It’s one of my favorite places to escape to, because it is full of people at all times of day, you see dogs everywhere, and yet the paths are large enough that you don’t have to dodge people. You do however, have to dodge the wet dogs coming out of the pond. Today I learned my lesson and was totally soaked from an overly-excited sopping wet corgi.

After my walk, I headed over to Formaggio Kitchen for a late snack, hoping that I’d find something despite the fact that I can’t gorge on cheese or honey or anzac biscuit samples. When I realized that I couldn’t have my favorite fennel sausage because it had both milk products and sugar in it, I decided to splurge on something that I’ve been eying for months: Stumptown Cold Brew Coffee.

Honestly? It just wasn’t that great. I mean, it was good, for sure. But, for half the price, Formaggio brews pretty excellent George Howell iced coffee, and I’ve realized that it can’t be beat. Sorry Stumptown, I wanted to love it…

In another failed moment, I went next door to the Fishmonger to see if I could pick up some seafood for my dinner. I noticed that the board said that shelled lobster was $8.50 a pound, a moderately good deal (although Market Basket sells whole lobsters for $3.99 if you can deal with the crowds) but was informed that it was actually $50 per pound. Yes, in this bountiful season, they were attempting to sell the stuff for a good $47 dollars more than market value. Sometimes I don’t understand this world.

After this escapade and all that disappointment, I was feeling a little hungry, so I devoured two small hard boiled eggs.

Instead of lobster, I decided to splurge on crab for dinner to make myself feel better. Devon had a work dinner catered by Barbara Lynch, so this was another day of fending for myself. Actually, I’ve been trying to get the stuff for the past week, but every time I head to the store, it’s sold out. I finally found some, and grabbed it.

Dinner was dead simple fresh crab salad. I peeled a cucumber, chopped up an avocado, some colorful tomatoes. I made a dressing of one part Red Boat fish sauce to one part lime juice, with a pinch of chile. I dressed the salad with half of the dressing, and dressed the crab in a separate bowl with the other half. To guild the lily, I added just a few spoonfuls of coconut milk to my crab, and then served it on the bed of veg. Here it is!

A bright crab salad
serves 1

6 oz. fresh wild crab
1 medium cucumber
1 avocado
2-3 ripe colorful tomatoes
juice of 1 lime
1 Tbs. fish sauce
pinch of chile flakes
a splash of full-fat coconut milk

Start by making your dressing. Juice a lime, and add an equal amount of fish sauce (about 1 Tbs.). Add a pinch of chili flakes and whisk or shake up in a small jar.

Then prepare your vegetables. Peel and chop your cucumber and put in a bowl. Take an avocado, cut it in half, and score the flesh into cubes before spooning it out into the cucumbers. Then, chop up your tomatoes into wedges. Take half of the dressing, and dress the vegetables, and arrange on your dinner plate.

Then prepare your crab. In a small bowl, pour the remaining dressing on the crab. Add a generous splash of coconut milk (a tablespoon or two), mix gently to combine. Pile your crab onto your vegetables, and tuck in.

A Warming Salmon Curry

And like that, the weather in New England seems to have turned the corner to fall, although I’m not quite sure it’ll stick. We might have more summer yet. Or so I’m telling myself. In the mean time, last night was the first night that I’ve been alone in a long time (I nervously sent Devon off to North Carolina for a conference). It was cool out and I was craving a bowl of something warm and deeply comforting. With the last of my wild Coho salmon I was sent by Copper River/Prince William Sound Marketing Association, I decided to make a simple curry for myself, inspired by a Nigel Slater recipe.

I don’t think that most people associate fish with curries, but warming spices go wonderfully with fish strong enough to stand up to them. Or, as Tamar Adler reminds us in An Everlasting Meal, they are perfect for strongly flavored fish (like bluefish), that you may have left a little bit too long in the fridge.

I made my curry and served it with cauliflower couscous, which, is just blitzed cauliflower that I heated up for about five minutes in a pan with a little bit of coconut milk and some salt. It shares the texture of couscous, is perfect for sopping up the creamy curry, and has the added bonus of being nutrient-dense veg. (You can also make cauliflower into “rice”, which may or may not have been what I was attempting to do… until I went ahead and over did it by 20 seconds in my processor.)

The great thing about this curry, as with most every soup, or stew, is that it tastes absolutely fantastic the next day. Even cold. Which is exactly how I’m eating the last bits, gleefully as I write this.

A warming salmon curry
serves 2

If you don’t have all the spices on hand, and have a good curry blend (such as Trader Joe’s), go ahead and use a tablespoon of that instead. But, take note that these are really useful spices to have on hand, so you might as well just go and buy them. 

1 wild salmon filet, 1 – 1.5 lbs.
salt and pepper
1 medium onion
1 Tbs. coconut oil
1/2 tsp. mustard seeds
1/2 tsp. turmeric
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. ground coriander
1/2 tsp. ground chiles (I used Turkish Urfa biber)
1 can (14 oz.) whole, peeled tomatoes in their juice
1/2 cup coconut milk (full-fat, don’t skimp!)

1. Remove the skin, and chop your salmon filet into large pieces (about 2-inch cubes), and season with salt and pepper, and set aside. Put together your spices in a small bowl, and set aside. Chop up a medium onion, and warm it in a large skillet on medium heat in a tablespoon or so of coconut oil. Stir about until it softens, being careful not to let it burn.

2. Add the spices to the onions, and stir gently for about 30 seconds, until the aromas start wafting up to you. Add your can of tomatoes, with the juice, and break the whole tomatoes up with your spoon. Stir, and let the mixture bubble and the flavors meld for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Taste your sauce, and add a little bit more salt if need be.

3. Add your salmon, nesting it gently between the tomatoes. Let the salmon cook for five minutes on one side, and carefully turn over, letting it cook for another five minutes. Pour in your coconut milk, and simmer for about five more minutes. Serve warm, over rice, or cauliflower rice.

Melissa Clark’s Wild Salmon with Brown Butter Cucumbers

For the past few months I’ve been getting shipments of wild Alaskan salmon from Copper River as part of the Fresh Catch Crew. Folks who follow me on Twitter likely saw me tweet gleefully about it, live-documenting my gravlax making. I’ve posted on Facebook, and there have been many pictures on Instagram, but I’m finally sharing here on this somewhat neglected blog of mine. Why is it that social media seems to be taking up all of my time? I digress.

Let me begin by mentioning that fresh wild salmon from Alaska is seasonal, and is nothing like the sad, pathetic, light pink, often bland farmed stuff. Its deep orange flesh is rich, silky, nutrient dense, oily, and supremely flavorful. Most of the time I simply season my fish with salt and pepper, maybe a little cumin, and put it on the grill.

It’s nearing the end of salmon season, and I’m hoping that you’ll be inspired to pick some up before the summer ends, and make this recipe. It’s a dead simple one, from Melissa Clark‘s ‘Cook This Now‘.

Melissa’s cookbook is one that I’ve turned to again and again in the past year – as you can see, it’s been tabbed up with stickies, and I’ve been consistently pleased with her recipes. There is something about Melissa that inspires confidence and creativity in the kitchen, and I’ve long admired her column in the New York Times. A few years ago we had the privilege of hosting her at Omnivore Books, and she was truly as lovely in person as I had imagined.

So about this fish.

Yesterday, a package was waiting, with the first of the Coho salmon. Copper River is home to King, Sockeye and Coho, and while most people seem to favor the King salmon, I have to say that I really enjoyed the wild Coho. Its generally a bit milder of a fish, and is quite versatile.

As soon as I took the fish out of the box, I set to work gathering my ingredients for dinner. This recipe has just a few ingredients – salmon, cucumbers, butter, garlic, fresh herbs and citrus. It’s something you could put together on a weeknight even if you are exhausted, and it feels fancier than it is.

The first step, which of course, I managed not to get a picture of, is to heat the butter on medium high heat, and cook until foam subsides and turns to a deep golden hue, about 3 minutes. You’ll want to watch the pan for this – don’t be tempted to wander off, lest your butter burns and you have to throw it out and start over again.

If you wish, say, because you are on a month long Whole30, you can substitute ghee – which has some of the nuttiness, but won’t quite be the same. (I’ve made this recipe with both, with similar success.)

The next step, is to season your salmon with salt and pepper. The recipe calls for two 6-8 ounce filets, but I had a gorgeous one pound filet that I left whole. Add your fish to the pan, skin-side up, and cook for three minutes, resisting the urge to touch it, prod it, or poke it. This is a good time to peel and chop two cucumbers if you haven’t already.

After three minutes, add your cucumbers, season them with salt and pepper, and gently stir to coat with the butter. After three more minutes, gently flip your fish, making sure that the skin gets good contact with the pan, and isn’t sitting on cucumbers.

Add the minced garlic to the cucumbers, and cook for 2-4 more minutes, until the fish is done. I like my fish on the rare side, so I took mine out of the pan after two, but left Devon’s half in for an extra few minutes.

To finish the cucumbers, add fresh herbs – I added chopped mint, but dill and cilantro would be good as well – stir, and season to taste.

Spoon the cucumber and butter over the salmon, and serve with several wedges of citrus. I used lime, but you could also use lemon. The lime cuts the richness, and adds much needed pep to the dish. Don’t forget it!

Melissa Clark’s Wild Salmon with Brown Butter Cucumbers
Find the original recipe here in the NYTimes
serves 2

2 tablespoons unsalted butter (or ghee)

2 thick, wild salmon fillets (6 to 8 ounces each)

Kosher salt or freshly ground black pepper

2 Kirby cucumbers, peeled and diced into 1/4-inch cubes

2 garlic cloves, minced

2 tablespoons chopped fresh herbs (dill, cilantro, or mint all go well here)

1 to 2 teaspoons fresh lemon or lime juice, more to taste.

1. In a large skillet, melt the butter over medium high heat, and cook until foam subsides and turns deep golden hue, about 3 minutes. If using ghee, note that there are no milk solids to foam and brown, but you can still let it cook for a few minutes.

2. Season your salmon filets with salt and pepper. Add the salmon skin side down, and let the filets cook for 3 minutes. Resist the urge to touch or fiddle with it. As you wait, peel and chop your cucumbers. Add the cucumbers to the pan and season with salt, stirring to coat the cucumbers with butter. Cook for three more minutes, and flip the fish.

3. Add the minced garlic to the cucumbers, and stir. Cook until the fish is done, about 2-4 minutes more. Remove the fish from the pan and transfer to two plates.

4. Stir the fresh herbs into the cucumbers, and stir just to incorporate the flavors. Take off the heat. Squeeze in your citrus, season with salt and pepper if needed, and spoon over the fish.

Fish Taco Salad (Minus the Taco)

This week I’ve been reading Cheryl Strayed’s ‘Wild’, her captivating story of solo-hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. I’ve long been interested in the travel memoir, and particularly drawn the arduous – usually foolish – journey across a thousand miles of trail, or flatland, or through the desert, the bush, or up Mt. Everest.

Jon Krakauer’s ‘Into the Wild‘ tempted me to hitchhike into the wilderness of Alaska (until I got further into the book), and for a brief moment (really brief) Rory Stewart had me contemplating trekking across Afghan provinces as he had in ‘The Places in Between‘. Bill Bryson’s ‘A Walk in the Woods‘ had me lusting after the Appalachian Trail, which in my mind still seems like an achievable adventure.

So, in the spirit of this adventure-seeking, let’s talk about one of my favorite non-culinary activities for a moment – getting into a kayak, paddling away from shore, and gliding down a quiet river.

When I’m in a kayak, I can paddle for two hours without thinking about much of anything. My phone nests out of reach in my double ziplock, I don’t have my headphones in, and yet I’m never bored. Occasionally I’ll set my oar down and let the boat drift where it wants.

Then it’s back to the rhythmic paddle, paddle, paddle, until I spot something and drive my oar down into the water to stop the boat: Oo! Dragonflies mating on my bright yellow kayak! (I was tempted to Instagram this one, but I resisted.) Look! Three turtles sun-bathing on a rock. Paddle, paddle, paddle. Swans! Geese! Paddle, paddle, paddle.

On the river you may be alone, but you are never lonely.

There is always a sense of wonder on the water, something to pause for. A heron hunting for fish, waterbugs frantically skating across the surface of the glistening river, or a duck mysteriously perched on a log that you can’t actually see just under the surface. That one got a few extra seconds of pause.

*                    *                    *

After kayaking for two hours on Tuesday afternoon, I reluctantly got out of the water, and headed to the store to find us dinner. I thought that something aquatic would be fitting. The plan? Fish Taco Salad (Minus the Taco).

I’ve been eating much more seafood lately, thanks in large part to the shipments of Copper River Salmon that I’ve been blessed with as part of the Fresh Catch Crew. (More about that soon!) Because I was starving and couldn’t wait to defrost a salmon filet, I stopped by Whole Foods to pick up some swordfish which was on sale this week.

This dinner is beautifully simple to put together, and can be done with any firm fleshed fish, such as salmon or halibut. I had the fishmonger cut a single one pound swordfish steak into two thinner cuts. Yes, I could have done this myself, but it saved me about two minutes and some knife washing to get it done.

To start, I set my cast iron to heat up while I seasoned my fish with this Just Cook Foods Ancho Chile Chicken Rub that came in this month’s Foodzie Tasting Box. The main ingredients are smoked paprika, ancho chile, cumin, and oregano. This was a good mix, but you could easily do something similar in your kitchen with your own spices – just make sure to include some salt.

After seasoning the fish, I set it aside while I started work on the other parts of the meal. You want to let the fish sit for a few minutes to let the spices permeate before you cook.

While my pan was heating up, I started out on the Lime-Parsley Vinaigrette for my salad. My new toy this week was a four cup Cuisinart, and I’ve been making efforts to use it as much as possible. Into the food processor went the juice of a lime, a large handful of parsley, two garlic scapes, two pinches of salt, a grinding of pepper, and about a scant half cup of olive oil. In thirty seconds the dressing was done.

I then started out on the Cheat-Guacamole. When I can’t find ripe avocados, I like to use Trader Joe’s Avocado’s Number Guacamole, and mix it with some fresh pico de gallo. Stir it up, let the flavors meld, and it makes for the perfect side. It tastes good, and you get to chuckle about the math joke that most people won’t get.

Then, I set my fish down in the pan, and set the timer for three minutes.

After three minutes, I flipped the fish, and let it go for three minutes more. I probably could have taken it up after two – my cut was pretty moist, but Devon’s was a little bit dry. Grumble.

Last step was to rip up some romaine, toss my salad, add a few cherry tomatoes for color, and to top it all off, some hatch chile cheddar (yes, cheese and fish, don’t smite me Scott Conant).

Voila!

What have you been doing with fish lately?